Hi!
This blog post is special for me because its that kind of a stage in life. A lot of changes going on have prevented me from posting anything in the past but here I am, once again, this time with a little rant on life.
It was one of those distant days in the past when things started briskly, with my first blog post about following your dreams. And this is the stage in life when you look back on your past days and say, "Hey, How was I that motivated?" Seems like a mystery to me. I guess each one of us goes through this phase of life at some point. It's important that you take the first step towards accepting the fact that you've hit a grey patch, rather than trying to brush the problem beneath the carpet and pretending everything's fine.
That's what I'm trying to do with this post. I'm sure years down the line I may be laughing at it myself, but its important to get it out of the way now :) So what's all this drama about? Well Here's a sneak peek into the problem. College life is done and its the brief period of holidays going on, before work life begins. I still have two months at my disposal. (some brief time, eh ? :P ) . But that's not the problem. The thing is I love to keep learning new stuff everyday. A day spent without learning anything new seems like a day wasted to me.
And presently I've been wasting way too many days.
Hey, that's ok, you might think, its holidays after all. But the truth is, I realised me, the more free time I have the more lack of efficiency I develop in carrying out my tasks! I don't know how true this is for others but I would love to have some response! For eg, during my college days hen I as insanely busy with mid-exams or extra- curricular activities or projects, I still squeaked in some time to pursue my creative interests, such as animating, drawing, making videos for youtube, and even taking tution classes for a bunch of kids! And now, its been three months since the holidays began and it seems I haven't accomplished anything so far. It's not like I have not learnt anything new, but whatever I've done, I've not been efficient at it.
I think may be its psychologically playing into my mind that, "Hey, even if I go only half way learning this today, it's ok, Imma resume again tomorrow" . And it's gotten hung on to my back tighter than a baby monkey clinging its mother (? wierd example, but it won't let go! ) I've tried millions of time management techniques, made so many plans but I just can't follow any!!
It's not like I don't have anything to show for what I've done in the past few months. I've learned HTML, CSS, Javascript (almost done with Javascript) and some PHP, and have been using all these to build up my website, that provides free tutions for 10th grade Mathematics. Its almost ready. I've animated a shot here and there for competitons. Learned a little (teeny -weeny ) bit of Japanese (talk about crazy! ), brushed up football skills. But that's it! That's all I can put my finger on. Given the amount of time I have had it seems way below any level of efficieny I could have had.
And what lies ahead in my list of "To-do's" now seems as daunting a task as climbing a huge mountain! I'll briefly mention the tasks I have carved out for myself in that list :
------In the 3D Animation Field------------------
- Completing Modelling a Ninja Character
- Learning to Texture a Character
- Learning to model a Head
- Learning to Rig a Character (this is huge)
- Learning Advanced Rendering ( including Image Based Lighting )
- Making at least one entry for an "11secondclub" competition
- Creating a Fight animation
- Depicting a simple but touching story (Full length, 5 mins )
- Creating Flash tutorial videos for my channel
-----In Web Developing Field--------------------
- Complete Learning Javascript (from book)
- Complete PHP and MySql learning (from book)
- Complete the website project
-----In Artistic Fields----------------------------
- Practise drawing from "Kimon Niccolaides- Natural Way to Draw"
- Practising more of Digital Painting
- Draw the portrait of at least one friend.
-----In Vocational Field-------------------------
- Practising Keepy Uppies in football : Doing atleast 200. (present level- 81 )
- Learning the Japanese Reading and Writing System : over 2000 alphabets including Hiragana, Katakana and Kanji.
Yep, that's about it off the top of my head. And looking ahead at the time I have remaining for my job to begin , and the time that it takes to complete the above tasks, instills a Fear of Failure far too great.
May be the thing is, I just think of the overwhelming list I mentioned above, and think that its just impossible. It grets so frustrating that I can't achieve even half of what I could,if doing only one thing at a time. I believe the key really lies in tricking the mind to focus on only one thing at a time, and see how far we can go. But I have been unsuccessful at it so far to say the least. Like wandering in deep forests with nowhere to go and no desire to go anyway.
But anyway, I'm sure letting it all out here will feel a whole lot better. With a new sense of motivation I hope to begin the next day and hope to start achieving some of the goals up there! And by the way if anyone really made their way through all that rant all the way down here- I salute you, and thank you for having the patience to bear with me today . It means something to me :)
Hope to find a good medicine for the above problem and will be back to post about it soon, or whatever the outcome of the situation is anyway!
Sigining off with lots love,
IlluminArtist!
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